I watched another crocodile movie..

I'm not sure why so many low-budget Croc movies get the green-light, but I am apparently unable to turn off the TV (sci-fi channel!) when another one of these movies is playing. This one, succinctly titled Croc was made in 2007 and includes exactly 0 big names. In fact, the characters were so superfluous to the ridiculous crocodile eating antics, that I actually had to to back and read the list on imdb to remember the names of the main characters.

I decided that Croc isn't worth a long summary post, so instead I will list my favorite parts of the movie!

1. There are no real movie stars. This meant that every single person in this movie gave 110% in every scene because they REALLY needed the money. Even with some truly pitiful dialogue, everyone managed to keep a straight face while discussing the 25 foot salt-water croc that just wouldn't stop eating their friends and family members.

2. The croc comes up through the floor of a building and tries to eat a yippy dog. I was actually a little disappointed that the dog escaped.. it had a really shrill bark.

3. The HUGE 25+ foot croc hid in a normal sized swimming pool and managed to totally escape notice while someone swam laps, and then talked to someone poolside. The swimmer (he was one of the bad guys) then got eaten. His brother (or crony? both?!) then was also eaten rather gorily after going to investigate the blood filled pool that had bits of his brother/crony floating on its surface. I should probably move this one to #1 on the list, because it was the most RIDICULOUS scene ever. How would a huge salt-water crocodile hide in a pool?? Why would you investigate said pool if you saw that it was literally covered in body parts and filled with blood??

4. The people who were making out in the water got eaten. Homage to the Jaws opening scene (she gets kind of dragged about on the surface) was TOTALLY appreciated!

5. There is a large boat involved in the death of the croc, a less crazy Quint-like character, and the afore mentioned scene. So basically, this was Jaws with crappier actors and a more 'exotic' location (Thailand).

6. The main character, Jack, whose name I had already forgotten by today ends up with his leg caught in the dead croc's mouth, underwater, in the cave where the croc has been storing the rotting bodies of all of his victims. The Quint-esque character starts yelling that they have to cut off his leg to save him.. so they give him a scuba mask....and then I hid my eyes. I don't think they ended up cutting off his leg though, because he looked way to conscious and happy laying down on the boat as they sped away later. Maybe they just had to pry the dead 25 foot croc's mouth open??

Size 4 is perfect?

I'll admit it, I LOVED the Sweet Valley High books. I can still tell you which one was my favorite (the one where the parents go out of town and good girl Elizabeth lets her boyfriend sleep over), and I'm pretty sure I tore through almost all 100+ of those books. I was even a little excited that my younger sister would get a chance to read all of the soon to-be-reissued books, until I saw an article that included a letter sent by the PR group in charge of the re-launch. The letter includes a side by side comparison of the old books and some of the new 'updates.' While I could care less that the twins now share a red Jeep (instead of the old Fiat), I was pretty upset when I realized that one of the highlighted changes has to do with their weight! In the original series the girls were a 'perfect size 6,' and now in the new books they are listed as a 'perfect size 4.'
I'm not sure I would have noticed the change, except that the PR people went out of their way to highlight this as an important aspect of the revamped books. In addition to the scary message they're sending about the value of shrinking waistlines, I wonder who decided that this was worth noting to book sellers. You would think Elizabeth's foray into digital media would be way more indicative of how they've updated the book to appeal to a new generation of readers. Blogging as both a word and activity would have been entirely missing from the original series, and would date the new series way more than clothing size. I think it says something (something scary!) that some editor decided that size 6 was no longer the 'perfect' size and every book title and publicity campaign should highlight how the girls are now smaller. From what I remember the twins were also described as being medium to tall--maybe 5'6'' or 5'7'' --which would put their new size 4 frames at almost model proportions. While there is nothing wrong with being tall-ish or slender, I think they're sending a pretty bad message. Even for idealized blue-eyed blonde California girls, why is a size 6 (which is still WAY below the average clothing size for a woman) too big?

Add 'em to the list..

I just found this great article on Newsvine about the best post-apocalypse movies. I am stealing the list (see the full article here ) and adding them all to my queue!

Top Ten Post Apocalypse Movies

No. 10 -- A Boy and His Dog (1975)

No. 8 -- Def-Con 4 (1985)

No. 9 -- The Quiet Earth (1985)

No. 7 -- Waterworld (1995)

No. 6 -- Escape From New York (1981)

No. 5 -- The Omega Man (1971)

No. 4 -- Planet of the Apes (1968)

No. 3 -- The Road Warrior (1981)

No. 2 -- 12 Monkeys (1995)

No. 1 -- Silent Running (1972)

The author of this article seems to have a thing for Charlton Heston, but I am willing to reserve judgment until I have seen all of the movies. I have already seen 12 Monkeys, & Planet of the Apes, but might have to re-watch in order to refresh my memory and blog accurately!

sidenote on Towering Inferno

Despite my complete and total enjoyment of the movie, it was a little hard to watch post-9/11. A lot of firefighters died in the film, and Steve McQueen's advice about firefighting in high rise buildings seemed a little too prophetic..

Towering Inferno!

Things I learned:

1) Never live above the 7th floor! According to Chief O'Hallorhan (Steve McQueen) firefighters can't fight fires above that floor. Steve McQueen's word is gospel! I will now be adding 6th floor or below to my list of apt building requirements. The list also includes a basement--for use in case I need a fallout shelter of course.

2) Faye Dunaway was, is, and probably will always be super hot. Totally irrelevant in terms of disaster movie blogging, but still worth noting.

3) Paul Newman makes a damn good salad dressing, and damn good action/ish movie hero!

The Towering Inferno was a GREAT pick! Thank you weird online algorithm that magically suggests 'movies you might also enjoy!' I sat down to watch Towering, and literally refused to move until the movie ended almost three hours later. Usually I'm a pause, get a snack and keep watching kind of girl, but this movie was the perfect combination of awesome actors and really stupendously stupid action scenes. The gist: the tallest building in the world is about to hold its grand-opening, but the building is rife with faulty wiring thanks to the shady business dealings of the owner's son-in-law. Chief architect, Doug Roberts (Paul Newman), realizes that the building and the party goers are potentially in danger, but his warnings are ignored. Eventually, the faulty wiring causes sparking in a storage closet and a fire breaks out. Over the next few hours the small fire turns the entire building into an inferno (!) and the the people at the party find themselves trapped floors above the fire, and hundreds of stories above ground.

Overall, the special effects were pretty good! The fire lapping through the windows never really corresponded correctly to the fire inside, but it looked cool! There were also some really random explosions that were clearly plot devices, but again, kudos for trying pre-computer generated special effects. One thing that was really surprising was the way they killed people off; I was especially surprised when they rather graphically burned to death one of the executives and his secretary. They did break the cardinal rule (they had sex! gasp!), but their deaths sent a pretty clear message: people were actually going to die in this movie and they were going to die in large numbers and in possibly unusual situations. Examples include: the secretary being blown out the window while on fire and half naked, and an entire elevator of people being practically incinerated and then delivered back to the floor of horrified party goers.

Skipping some great explosions and quite possibly the best nail biting, crawling down a broken staircase moment in movie history (thank you Paul Newman!) the film entered true disaster movie history by coming up with several truly implausible and thus brilliant rescue scenarios:

1) They sent some of the women and children, including Roberts' better half Susan (Faye Dunaway), down an exposed glass elevator. The fire then half-blows the elevator off its cable and some of the panes blow out. One passenger falls to her death, and a few dangle dangerously close. It should be noted that the woman who falls had earlier started a very adorable dalliance with Fred Astaire (literally!). It was sad that she died, and even sadder when Fred later takes in her orphaned cat, but it was to be expected--think Shelley Winters in The Poseidon Adventure.

2) While the super cool Steve McQueen is battling the fire, some other brilliant guy decides to try a rescue plan that involves a helicopter, a rope, and what looks like a giant birdcage. While this plan does actually manage to save a few people, the conniving son-in-law creates a panic and falls to his death along with a few others.

**there is also an attempted roof-top helicopter rescue scene, but a panicked woman causes it to crash and kill the pilots. at that point, I wanted to slap that woman and then slap the writers for playing into the women are hysterical stereotype**

3) Steve McQueen and Paul Newman save the day with this truly ridiculous and would only work in a movie plan: they are going to detonate the water towers on the top of the building and dump a million pounds of water onto the fire. All the people still trapped on the top floor have to tie themselves down and try not to drown or get blown out of the windows by the rushing water. At this point my roommate and I had a rather in-depth conversation about the likelihood of a building having that much water stored on its roof, as well as the general feasibility of the plan. It was pretty much B-list end of movie scenario, but with a fabulous cast and the panache to carry it off!

165 minutes after beginning, the movie ended with the water rushing down and the rest of the survivors magically straggling out of the building; magically because the staircases had been blown out, and I refuse to believe that the elevators worked after all of that fire, water, and wire damage. Faye and Paul find another and re-pledge their love, while Steve tells them that the death toll of 200 wasn't as bad as it could have been.