Tremors 2

Blockbuster has redeemed itself! Tremors 2 arrived while I was out of town!

Opening scene: Graboid eating an oil worker. Now this is the way a bad disaster movie is supposed to start. Now I don't think that this movie has an any actual A-listers, but it does have a character from the original movie. That's almost as good as someone famous.

I really like that character development is basically non-existent and that graboids are already blowing up fifteen minutes into the movie. Oh, and we already know that our wonderful returning star Fred Ward and the blonde woman are going to get it on because they've very visibly eyed one another's rear ends.

JP so far

Ah Jurassic Park. Classic!

A-listers galore & lots of easily referenced rules
1. Do not say "It could have been a lot worse
2. Do not leave the main group. Ever.
3. For goodness sake, pay your staff well! Saves you from sabotage, mass carnage etc
4. If it has been extinct for millions of years, weighs several tons, and has razor sharp teeth.. see where I'm going? Do you really want to bring back a scary killing machine with no natural predators?
5. Do not say "Unless." As in.. "unless they figure out how to open doors.." or "unless they are smarter than we thought.." Because they will INEVITABLY be able to open said doors, or somehow be smarter than all living creatures. So just keep your trap shut!

Unlike some other movies (yes Megaladon I'm talking to you!), Jurassic Park knows that it is a disaster movie; it has appropriate levels of carnage & follows the rules (children survive).
Death count @ midway point: 3 with several more to come..

I now own Jurassic Park 1, 2 & 3

Some good posting soon to come. Carrie bought me all 3 Jurassic Parks..and I'm ashamed to admit that I've only ever seen the first.


Ashamed? Yes. Because 2 & 3 are more than likely to fit my criteria as truly crap disaster movies. Jurassic Park is actually a pretty darn good movie, but since it involves dinosaurs and carnage, I'll still put up a post after I've had a chance to re-watch.

No A-lister? Not a good sign

Unless you count the guy who played Ethan Rayne (Buffy reference!), or maybe some guy named Mark Sheppard who has guest-starred in almost every TV show Megalodon totally lacks an A-lister.

Anaconda: 4 (I'm being generous and counting JLo)
Deep Blue Sea: 2
Volcano: 2
Dante's Peak: 1.5 (Linda Hamilton is cool..but only to geeky SciFi buffs)
Megalodon: 0

I'll let this fact slide for now and see if the sheer stupidity of the script makes the movie enjoyable. Given the effects so far I think I can easily expect a lot of low-budget carnage.

Although we are 23 minutes in and the body count is at ZERO. Where's the requisite unexplained tourist death??

31 minutes in: some type of prehistoric fish attacked someone, but he survived...
1 hour in: 1 guy dead, but just because the shark ate his sub. No carnage.
1 hour 5 minutes: another death by sub chomping. Again, no carnage.
1 hour 7 minutes: I think some guy just got eaten, but I couldn't even tell because there was NO blood splatter, or screaming, or chomping. What kind of shark movie is this anyway??

Then, they just blew up the shark. One more guy died in the explosion, but it was barely dramatic. At the end we see that maybe the Megalodon released by the drilling (yeah yeah, it's a stupid plot device) wasn't the only one. Big shock...

I'm disappointed. No A-listers, no carnage, stock footage of sharks, and almost an hour and a half wasted. I should have just re-watched Jaws.

I've been waiting 2 months for this..and it's going to be awful/awesome

Megalodon finally arrived. Blog post to follow soon.

Just an FYI..Megalodon is like a really low-budget Jaws. I'm excited.