Tuesday, December 9

Waterworld= watery grave for the world

I'm a disaster movie junkie who has never seen Waterworld ..until now! Despite the hectic schedule, I decided to squeeze in a little end of the world madness as a (really long) study break. After 2+ hours with Kevin Costner and co I have decided that Waterworld is actually a darn good disaster movie. Darn all the naysayers, I think it ranks somewhere below Jaws and above The Day After Tomorrow. That's a totally arbitrary ranking by the way.

Anyway, some things I learned from watching Waterworld:

1. There is enough water in the polar ice caps to cover almost the entire planet. Cities will be totally covered, and only a few mountainous areas will remain dry. I was totally believing this whole scenario, until I broke the cardinal rule of disaster movie enjoyment and looked it up. Turns out even if all of the ice melted, most landmass would still be visible. Apparently, when the world is going to end, more water appears.

2. You can somehow recycle your own urine into drinking water without any chemicals or technology. I did not want to know if this was possible, so I did not look it up.

3. Population control will be an issue in a watery world. People will only be able to procreate if someone else dies..and then they will be supportive of child/adult sexual interactions just to keep inbreeding from occurring.

4. People of the future are really stupid. When you find a 'mutant' with really helpful adaptation such as GILLS, you will decide being different is a crime punishable by death. Of course you wont' consider how this mutation might actually make your life way better from an evolutionary perspective. Stupid future people.

5. There will be way more men than women in the future. For no discernible reason. There are also HUGE scary shark-like creatures that you can blow up and eat. I guess if enough time has passed for some humans to develop gills, huge shark things can also happen? I was actually really sad that the huge sharks were only in 1 scene. The movie could have easily devolved into megalodon 6 meets waterplanet..but nooo..they had to maintain some sense of plot and artistic integrity. So sad.

6. Kevin Costner is kind of a jerk, but not nearly as bad as some other disaster movie "heroes" (Charlton Heston, I'm talking to you). He's mildly abusive when he first meets Helen (Jeanne Tripplehorn), but at least he turns down her desperate offer of sex due to the weird power dynamic. Not advocating for even mildly abusive characters, but better than smacking around the leading lady because she dares to be slightly upset by mass chaos and death (yes, I am talking to you again Charlton).