Friday, July 11

Poor Shia LeBeuf

I watched Transformers last night and was alternatively bored and appalled. The first few minutes were OK, despite the fact that one soldier repeatedly told another to stop speaking Spanish. I don't really understand why this interaction was in the least bit useful or necessary. The Latino soldier did not add anything to the plot by speaking Spanish and highlighting it made it seem more like a strange self-aware movie device (Look! Our soldiers are all different nationalities!), except that it just seemed racist.

As for the rest of the movie, it was just not a very good action movie. It had bag dialogue, and the actual fight scenes were too fast and too loud to really see anything. At some point I let the entire thing become background noise as I baked cupcakes. One of my co-workers was also correct in pointing out that the Animatron (is that right?) Jazz, was clearly the black robot. He spoke in Ebonics and he was the one robot that was just painful to watch that whole tackiness in action.

Anyway, here are some things I learned:

1. Avoid disaster movies that involve some type of toy marketed strictly to young boys. Get what you deserve on that one (real men are brave and resourceful! gr! hot girls want to sit on our laps!)

2. Hot girls who know about cars are cllllleearly juvenile delinquents and/or the child of convicts. Only a crazy soon-to-be incarcerated person would teach their daughter all about cars.

3. If a large alien robot-like life form comes to our planet, they're going to be secretly impressed with the underlying goodness found in humanity. They will then want to hide in plain sight and become our protectors.

4. Said sentient being will also be excited to babysit teenagers, and will be happy to let them make-out while sitting on top of them.

5. The government is very sneaky and patriarchal, but will probably listen to you even after you've stolen gov't secrets (and not lock you up in Guantanamo Bay or another similar place) if you are a young, hot, accented blonde girl.

I'm now going to post a picture of the cupcakes I made. It was a much better use of my time: